08 December 2009

is life different when you're made of iron ?

life is back to normal.

it's back and I'm not sure how I feel.

there is this elation, this feeling of I did that? the pride that comes with the mDot necklace, coffee mug, and keychain. the bragging [I tried to come up with a more polite word, but let's call it what it is] to everyone from defense attorneys to family members. there are the photos on facebook - the ones from my camera, my sister's. there are the professional photos that I paid $11 to download. there is the telling and re-telling of race day.

and then, there is this.. empty feeling. this feeling of loss and what now and what next? this feeling of if I'm not training what am I doing and if I'm not on the road to Ironman where am I? there is no more looking at my palm and seeing swim 3200M/ run 70 min for thursday. I don't just thrive on a schedule I need one to function. and then: no more anticipation. the countdown started at more than a year out. then we were 365 days from race day. then 6 months, 5, 3. then 60 days out. 45. 30! 3 weeks, 2 weeks, 12 days, 7 days, then: tomorrow. then: today. then: yesterday.

the race itself was amazing but the process is what got me to the start line. and if you can't get to the start line healthy - mentally and physically - and ready and excited then you can't get to the finish line. I really like this> to get through the hardest journey we need take only one step at a time, but we must keep on stepping [chinese proverb].

the race is long but the year[s] leading up to it are longer. True Ironmen are not made at the finisher's chute; it's easy to run, smile, soar when the music is blasting and people are cheering and there is a finish line in sight and someone is getting ready to call you an Ironman over a loud speaker. Ironmen are made at the 4000th meter of a 4500M swim, at mile 80 of a 100 mile bike ride, at mile 12 of an 18 mile run. Ironmen are made when no one is looking. They are made on trainers while watching Kona reruns and Thursday night comedies and Spinverals and DVR'd episodes of The Biggest Loser. They are made in hot humid days when saner folk are soaking in a/c. They are made in cold days - days where running requires gloves and three layers and maybe a face mask. They are made by what they don't do: stay out late, drink a lot, happy hour. They are made with friends because misery does love company and four hour trainer rides go by much faster with pre-made PBJ sammies, gatorade, and oreos, and a chick flick. They are
made on drives to the Eastern Shore to ride and swims in the chesapeake bay.

the glory is the finish line, but the hours in the water, in the running shoes, on the bike are what get you there. and while I will never forget the feelings of pure joy turning the corner and grinning like a fool, laughing, running toward the finish line, I'll also cherish the memories that got me there. the proverbial rose colored glasses are beautiful indeed: some days were rough and some were really rough. but it. was. all. worth. it.

it was all so worth it.

17 comments:

  1. So I'm guessing my eyes are filled with tears right now because I know exactly what you're talking about but I couldn't say it as beautifully as you did.

    Time to whip out that credit card and impulsively sign up for another adventure. In the arena of financial responsibility, what I just suggested is the worst advice ever. But in the life of a distance athlete, it makes perfect sense :) Go Irontrish!

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  2. Love. This. And it's so so true.

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  3. Aw Tricia, this made me cry. If I learned nothing else during my Ironman, it wasn't just the race that made it so magical. I race with a hideous injury and nothing was as planned, but i had the race of my life and all those little moments, some private and some shared, in the 8 months I trained, those moments made me an Ironman before I crossed the line, heard my name and could buy the necklace. Find your next passion, whatever it may be, and get moving. It will fill the void!

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  4. I love the new banner. This is the perfect post. It reflects on what you have done and it is an inspiration for me. Thanks!

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  5. You are 100% right.

    And I never knew the key to fighting boredom on a trainer was to watch chick flicks ;-)

    Here is an article I saved a long time ago, maybe it might help a little

    http://www.trifuel.com/training/triathlon-training/your-ironman-is-over-what-about-life-as-you-know-it

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  6. Awesome, awesome post!! I just caught up on the adventure too. You should just be so proud of yourself. I can't tell you how happy I am for you. You worked hard and deserve to brag to all.

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  7. What a great post! And I totally feel your pain (or post-partem as I affectionately call it). This being said, I FINALLY, for the first time in one year have all of my laundry clean and folded. I no longer have to live out of the pile of wrinkled clothes on the spare bed. This, my friend, is an accomplishment. (oh, and BTW, I'm sore from 4 hours of folding...yeah, seriously)

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  8. Loved the post! Congrats again!

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  9. I would go a step farther and say true ironmen are made by how they apply their ability to tackle the impossible --- AFTER the race. Once you've had your day, felt the glory of finishing and the emptiness of glory past, what do you with yourself?

    You have an amzaing mental gift now: ability to conquer through measurable, disiciplined steps. A lot of people just sign up for another Ironman, to relive the glory of it. I would argue that us Ironmen can do so much more than just that.

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  10. First off, love the new banner. Second off, thank you for the butt kicking post here because that's what I need for the day (and our 2 feet of snow)! No one is watching me now...

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  11. You are so awesome and amazing...I am proud to know you.

    Enjoy this time as you deflate and recover. I remember feeling pretty lost after my first marathon. I think this has to be a normal thing. It must be especially noticeable right before the stress and insantiy of the holidays take over.

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  12. great post, really enjoyed reading it. cant wait to one day be in the same boat ( get to brag about my ironman )well done and congrats

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  13. I think you have put into words what so many Iron Hopefuls need to hear.

    Thanks and Congrats!!!

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  14. So I just cut and pasted this to read and reread when my iron training gets tough. Great work!

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  15. Awesome post on inner feelings! Thanks for sharing.

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  16. Oh! I am all choked up and emotional over this post. Girl, you have me as teary as a Biggest Loser. I can't wait for your next adventure! This is just so beautiful and amazing - because YOU ARE - you IRON woman, you!

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  17. I know that feeling very well! Not sure my way to get over it is possibly the best way though....

    In fact, I am already beginning to think of when I can start to train again - will I do another, my 3rd? Will I have the time to do another? Will I want to do another. Will my husband be as supportive of my training when he has to watch the baby???

    Maybe a 1/2 is more realistic??

    Good luck with the next adventure!

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